Darling, Darling, Where art thou?

Taken from so called now Willis Tower (Sky Deck) on a sunny winter day, December 2011

                                                          

Maybe, my love is in one of those buildings.Or somewhere in Jakarta? NYC? DC? Paris? Aha.

I spent a lot of time thinking "who am I going to end up marrying?". I always think that married is a beautiful thing. The only you can do only once in life (you can't get married "again", you get married "once").

Or not even marrying, maybe the guy I will spend the most of my love life with. I don't know when this notion took over my mind, but I think somewhere around high school. Junior high was bitter sweet. Knowing the guy that I liked also liked me too (but it was too late), or liking my senior who had to transfer abroad, having a non-boyfriend texting-relationships with many of my guy friends -- and boom, was technically with this guy, who is full of himself and used me for his own popularity. That was it.

High school was another different story. I went to a girl school (the best school in Indonesia, needless to say) and obviously no boys, no boys. And, that is the time when I started crushing a lot. I like liking guys. Thinking about relationship is not primal. I always thought "Was the point of having a relationship if at the end couples break up? People's feelings get hurt? And being friends is not an option -- basically junior high was"  So, the feeling of having a crush on someone for me was enough. I think, that mental has been there for the last 3 years, also when I was in Italy.

Crushing has grown into uncontrollable infatuation. 
Especially in a new environment fulfilled with all the sharp-noses, tall-bones, exotic-words men from all over the world. That's when I have my first official international crush. Yep. But, I don't like this guy for too long, but he is listed as my first "international" crush. Well, I've crushed into mixed-Indonesian guys - but it was like whatever.

My bestfriends from high school nick-named me as "the girl with thousand crushes from all over the world". Basically our Blackberry group chatting (when it came to me who spoke) was all bout this hottie, that curly, that tally -- now I feel funnily-grossed-out, when I think how I really was one of those "Toutes les filles sont folles". Yes, I am/was that crazy girl.

Back again to infatuation. The feeling of infatuation is like falling in love. Well, maybe you should not trust me, because I don't think I've ever been in love. No, I think I did once. It was mutual. I remember how excited I was Skyping with him and thought about him all day long. La la la. I could make a song about it.  And I was too young at that time, the idea of a serious relationship was like ," Dang, can I still travel the 'world;?". Regardless, long distance relationship, suck my gut.

Ok, the different between falling in love and infatuation is the mutual-ness of both parties involved.   For infatuation, the person does not even know that you like him that much and he certainly likely might not have the same feeling for you. My first infatuation was a guy from a grizzly-bear country.If you dig into my old posts you'll find the detailed story about this guy. He is my first official deeper and bigger crush aka infatuation.

For now, perception and experiences have changed everything. I thought after being infatuated with this deeper-bigger-uber crush, I won't crush into anyone. The truth is I did. Finally, new nationalities (well, I actually liked many guys but those are not crushes, but more like random-picks).

College, I have two medium-sized to big-sized crushes. Same kind again: tall, smart, well-yeah-pretty-good-looking,curly-ish hair. Same feelings again: stupidity, butterflies, anxiety. Over and over again.

This summer. Wow, it's another different story.

The moral of my post is enjoy every feeling you have for anyone you met, you encountered, you know. Don't be afraid to admit if you are liking someone, crushing on someone, feeling infatuated with someone - or even feel like, "I think I am in love." Because people's feelings change. What you feel for someone yesterday wont be the same for today or tomorrow.

Come back to the pictures I put above and the idea of the whole post, thanks to Michael Buble song "Haven't Met You Yet". The song fits for anyone 20s -- I will turn 21 this year! I also tumbled across a picture from Tumblr "I wonder if I've met the person I'm going to end up marrying", my answer for now is maybe, it's not a big deal, at all!  Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be. Live at the moment,  I just havent met you yet, baby.

Women College, Why Not?

Hillary Clinton is a notable alumnae from The Wellesley College, the college is coming here at the end of October.

Yesterday morning, I just had an interview with Mount Holyoke, a women liberal art college in the United State, rated as 5^th Best Woman College in USA by Forbes 2009. The college came to our school (United World College of Adriatic) the day before and giving a general presentation. There were also other four colleges/universities which were Skidmore College, University of Richmond, University of Wesleyan and Carleton College. It was my first time attending a presentation too, since two weeks ago when beforehand Macalister came to the college I was in Germany therefore I couldn’t come. Skidmore and Mount Holyoke called my interest the most. Since Ken the man from Skidmore said that their college was good at journalism and writing which I want to study, and Mount Holyoke, since it is a woman college. Darcy is the young woman who came from Mt. Holyoke, an alumnae and staff, to be honest when she hadn’t said anything I didn’t know that Mount Holyoke was a women college, but after she said that, I said “That’s the reason why she looks so independent and smart”. I have reasons why. I studied in a girl high school in Jakarta its age is 150 years, my junior high school used to be a girl school too, but they went co-ed, so I am familiar with this thing. Since I entered junior high school I had planned and prepared myself to go to my former high school (as I remember I was not accepted for its junior high). My reason to study there is I know that school, if I can mention name it is Santa Ursula High School, will give me the best education in the country and will prepare me as a young, socially intelligent and independent woman to lead the future, therefore that would be again my reason to make an application to a woman college this year.

You don’t need to ask how independent a young lady in a woman institution can be. To decide studying in a school with no gentlemen is already such the boldest decision ever made. This might be the worry of every dad in the world, which also my dad’s, because he knows me as a daughter who never had a relationship with boys, which is not right. He knew that some boys have tried to get into me but I attached to none since I just put a little bit higher standard from an already decent level. We woman and man, cannot deny that in this age is when the most attraction occurs. This period is the moment to get the most fun in life, but still there are so many ways to spend a fun time. I don’t know how this perception about men are stronger than women in the Western World perceived, but for me, in a girls school that stereotype is no longer true. We, women are as strong as men, we move our heavy tables, chairs, we do as good sport as men do, technically we don’t necessarily need man for that kind of occasion, we can do it ourselves And one more important thing is our brain is as heavy as man or moreover heavier. Well at least I can say it my former school that we are always at the highest rank for the National Examination in the country compare to another good all boys school and public schools. Why we can do that? Because we know when we go to school we want to study, not to flirt with boys or seeking for attention. We get enough attention from the other girls who physically compliment us; we love everybody's dresses, style, hairpins, watches, and bags.

From my writing, you might get an impression that woman in a girl institution doesn’t have interaction with boys, who says? Well I think, studying in a school like that gave us opportunity to expand our networking outside and be friends with anybody. I would like to tell this, sometimes another students feel reluctant to be friends with us because they think we are girls with very top standards and all, which is not hundred percent true. There are also thousands of events that facilitate all schools to at least meet and see each other like sport, music and scientific events. Many students who study in a co-educational school go along more with their own gender and form a group based on a gender.

But this is a university; it is not just high school? Well then again back to the aim of going to a school, college or university is to get the best education, learn as much as we can and built up a contagious community. Are you afraid on not getting a boyfriend in your age 20s? Let me tell you something, or maybe this what I learn from my high school, a man respects woman with a deep thought, good manner and leadership skill, which a woman institution always prepared their students for. We, women have to be well prepared to argue, dominate, lead and to raise up another women. In every woman college without doubt, we are prepared to be a future leader not only to be ready to face the future. We are prepared to be a woman who will be able to bring change in community and worldwide. We are prepared to be a real ‘woman on top’ in the field that we are going to work at. So, girls, woman college, why not?