Sunday, 26 August 2012

Darling, Darling, Where art thou?

Taken from so called now Willis Tower (Sky Deck) on a sunny winter day, December 2011
Maybe, my love is in one of those buildings.Or somewhere in Jakarta? NYC? DC? Paris? Aha.

I spent a lot of time thinking "who am I going to end up marrying?". I always think that married is a beautiful thing. The only you can do only once in life (you can't get married "again", you get married "once").

Or not even marrying, maybe the guy I will spend the most of my love life with. I don't know when this notion took over my mind, but I think somewhere around high school. Junior high was bitter sweet. Knowing the guy that I liked also liked me too (but it was too late), or liking my senior who had to transfer abroad, having a non-boyfriend texting-relationships with many of my guy friends -- and boom, was technically with this guy, who is full of himself and used me for his own popularity. That was it.

High school was another different story. I went to a girl school (the best school in Indonesia, needless to say) and obviously no boys, no boys. And, that is the time when I started crushing a lot. I like liking guys. Thinking about relationship is not primal. I always thought "Was the point of having a relationship if at the end couples break up? People's feelings get hurt? And being friends is not an option -- basically junior high was"  So, the feeling of having a crush on someone for me was enough. I think, that mental has been there for the last 3 years, also when I was in Italy.

Crushing has grown into uncontrollable infatuation. 
Especially in a new environment fulfilled with all the sharp-noses, tall-bones, exotic-words men from all over the world. That's when I have my first official international crush. Yep. But, I don't like this guy for too long, but he is listed as my first "international" crush. Well, I've crushed into mixed-Indonesian guys - but it was like whatever.

My bestfriends from high school nick-named me as "the girl with thousand crushes from all over the world". Basically our Blackberry group chatting (when it came to me who spoke) was all bout this hottie, that curly, that tally -- now I feel funnily-grossed-out, when I think how I really was one of those "Toutes les filles sont folles". Yes, I am/was that crazy girl.

Back again to infatuation. The feeling of infatuation is like falling in love. Well, maybe you should not trust me, because I don't think I've ever been in love. No, I think I did once. It was mutual. I remember how excited I was Skyping with him and thought about him all day long. La la la. I could make a song about it.  And I was too young at that time, the idea of a serious relationship was like ," Dang, can I still travel the 'world;?". Regardless, long distance relationship, suck my gut.

Ok, the different between falling in love and infatuation is the mutual-ness of both parties involved.   For infatuation, the person does not even know that you like him that much and he certainly likely might not have the same feeling for you. My first infatuation was a guy from a grizzly-bear country.If you dig into my old posts you'll find the detailed story about this guy. He is my first official deeper and bigger crush aka infatuation.

For now, perception and experiences have changed everything. I thought after being infatuated with this deeper-bigger-uber crush, I won't crush into anyone. The truth is I did. Finally, new nationalities (well, I actually liked many guys but those are not crushes, but more like random-picks).

College, I have two medium-sized to big-sized crushes. Same kind again: tall, smart, well-yeah-pretty-good-looking,curly-ish hair. Same feelings again: stupidity, butterflies, anxiety. Over and over again.

This summer. Wow, it's another different story.

The moral of my post is enjoy every feeling you have for anyone you met, you encountered, you know. Don't be afraid to admit if you are liking someone, crushing on someone, feeling infatuated with someone - or even feel like, "I think I am in love." Because people's feelings change. What you feel for someone yesterday wont be the same for today or tomorrow.

Come back to the pictures I put above and the idea of the whole post, thanks to Michael Buble song "Haven't Met You Yet". The song fits for anyone 20s -- I will turn 21 this year! I also tumbled across a picture from Tumblr "I wonder if I've met the person I'm going to end up marrying", my answer for now is maybe, it's not a big deal, at all!  Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be. Live at the moment,  I just havent met you yet, baby.

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