A Letter to My Future Husband

I bumped into someone from my past who once I fell for. We were both in love. But as he said distance, time and communication just made the feeling gone. He is an Indonesian-German. All of the sudden I felt like sharing my current feeling for someone who I am having a crush on, here in the college, because this one guy make me assume that we do have the same feeling for each other - but really I don't want to expect. He wrote me his honest words on why that time our relationship did not work. Found out, I am the mean girl here. He tried so hard, I was not senstive and mostly cyncial. And as a fruit of Santa Ursula education, I have too high expectation for a boyfriend and how I value myself. So that's the end of the story. But you know what, I think we are friends now - and this usually does not happen when relationship does not work - you won't be friends with your ex or your lover.

He is still a very nice guy and now happy with his life since he finally has a girlfriend. I am happy for him! On Facebook message he sent me a link to his blog post about a letter that he got from his friend. I feel like I want to share this letter to anybody out there who feels like in the age of 20s or 30s still alone and scared of not having a boyfriends or life partners. The letter can also be adressed for the men not only for the girls. Here is the letter.

“You were made to be loved… and sincerely I have loved you, the thought of you, my life long.” Elizabeth Barrett Brown

If you are reading this letter, it is because you may become my husband one day. Lately, my mind and my heart have been filled with thoughts of you and the family that we will one day share.
I wonder where you are and what you are doing. Are you dating someone? Relationships have become so pressure filled, haven’t they? I mean, guys and girls alike treat dating as if they were married, expecting an instant commitment and sometimes sleeping together. I’ve heard that it’s easier to share your body than it is your soul. How sad that we are taught even in grade school how to share our bodies with the opposite sex, but not our hearts or our souls. Seems totally backwards, doesn’t it?

The temptations we face are real and I know how hard it can be to stay chaste. I’ve been tempted too, but then I think of you and how I want our wedding night to be perfect. Maybe that’s why I wanted to write to you, to tell you that I am real. At some point in our future, our paths will cross, and we will eventually spend our lives together in marriage. It would seem a shame to go into our marriage with the baggage that past sexual relationships bring.

That quote I put at the top of the page – I mean it. Think about it. You were made to be loved – unconditionally loved, and that’s how I promise to love you. Where you have been before today, well… that’s all in the past, and that’s where it should stay. Maybe you had no idea that I was here. But now you know, and how you live your life from today forward matters to me a great deal. I know that the media, Planned Parenthood, MTV, your friends, and maybe others are telling you that sex before marriage is okay as long as it’s “safe.” Don’t buy it. The truth is that the only safe sex is inside of marriage. There are STDs, abortions, emotional scars, and teens becoming parents before they are ready. Sex before marriage leaves scars that are hard to heal, sometimes impossible.

To a lot of people it may seem totally crazy that I’m asking you to think of our future. They’d tell you to live for the moment. I’m all for living in the present, but thinking about the future can help you avoid decisions that may alter your future – our future. I want you to experience life, travel, figure out who you are, go to the moon if you want. Take advantage of this time in your life to learn everything that you can. That will only make our marriage stronger. Just don’t jeopardize us.

Becoming a man can be difficult. Some guys try to earn their manhood by compromising their values. Sex before marriage won’t make you a man. It will only serve to keep you a little boy who can’t control himself. That’s not the kind of guy that I want or deserve. I need a man who won’t compromise his family but will put me first – even before he meets me; a man whose strength lies in his virtue, his character, and his ability to be an example at work, at play, and most importantly in our home. A real man knows how to love completely – with his mind, heart, body, and soul. This may sound like a lot to ask of you, but it will all be worth it. I will love you completely – I can promise you that!

You need to know that I’m waiting for you. If there is one thing that I have learned through my dating experiences, it’s that you are worth waiting for. My heart, mind, soul, and body were made for you. We will complete each other in the most profoundly beautiful way imaginable.

From today forward, are you going to wait for me? Like I said, where you have been is in the past, but where you are going will affect our marriage. I need to know that you have learned self control. I need to know that you think I am worth waiting for. I need to know that you are a man who respects and cherishes women – all women. The girl you are dating right now, or are going to date soon, may be someone else’s future wife, and I need to know that you understand and respect that.

Real love is not a temporary feeling or emotion. Emotions and feeling change, sometimes daily. But true, unconditional love is constant. I met a coupled the other day who have been married for 50 years, have seven children, 23 grandchildren, and seven great grandchildren. They looked like high school sweethearts. I asked them how they did it, how they made it work when so many marriages are falling apart. You know what he said? He said, “She knows I’m not perfect and she still loves me. She’s my best friend.” How cool is that? That’s what I want. I want us to be best friends. I want you to feel totally free to be you when you’re with me.

Please read this often. Think of me often. I’m thinking of you. I can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait to spend my life loving you. Thanks for waiting for me. I promise it will be worth the wait!

With Love,

Your Future Wife

I was still nineteen when I took this picture. Some weeks before my 20th birthday. 
 

I just realised by the end of posting this I am not a teenager anymore. This is also what makes me ask my mom - if that'd be ok if I am dating a Caucasian guy, a non Indonesian, not even Asian. And you know what my mother told me, "You know what Rut, I believed that your destiny is somewhere out there. It is already meant for you - it's a matter of time,". I was arguing what's destiny without effort? But, I believe what my mom told me, how he met my father and how until now they are still happily together and stronger and grow day to day in love.

This is just a liitle glimpse of so many reflection that I want to share entering an adult life.

I hope this would be useful for you guys!

With love,

Nastiti